what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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