I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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