If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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