there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
