i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
