i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
