so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
