Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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