how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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