So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
