Ambien. No doubt about it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
