I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
