I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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