i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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