i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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