is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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