How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who died my cat blue again?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
