We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
