She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
