today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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