i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
