Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
