I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
