Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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