i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
