Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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