Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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