Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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