what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
