She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
