Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
