okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
