Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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