I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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