he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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