Non-Jews are for practice
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
