Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
