Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
