I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
