He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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