Sry I called you an 8
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
