This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
