On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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