if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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