Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
