there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize