dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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