i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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