I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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