this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We just shotgunned beers for America
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize