The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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