if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
