Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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