I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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