I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
