Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
