Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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