dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
ttyl tear gas
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
