His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
