I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
