did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
