Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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