Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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