If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
