Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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