i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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