just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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