'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
