Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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