ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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