Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
