Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
